Bizarro | VivirLatino

Archive for the ‘Bizarro’ Category

Saundering Across Borders: Laughter from the VivirLatino Inbox

8:47 am By Maegan la Mamita Mala · Bizarro|From the Inbox|Funny|Immigration · 1 Comment

20 May 2010

Hate mail and comments are as routine as breathing here at VivirLatino. I cannot even begin to calculate the time spent deleting hateful comments and emails telling us and you, our readers, to go back where we came from and to speak English (the fact that this site is in English apparently escapes them). Usually I ignore the comments and stupidity, pero sometimes, the idiocy is so great, so humorous, that I have to share.

Yesterday, VL’s inbox received a press release titled : “CALL ME CRAZY but Will Just One US President PLEASE STAND UP To Protect American Citizens”

It’s not hard to guess what the message was. Undocumented immigrants are characterized as stealing jobs and causing the economic downturn. Nothing new to see here folks.

But here’s the thing. If people calling themselves “Conservative Pundits” want to complain and send out releases, shouldn’t they be required to do a spell-check? By definition, a pundit is someone who claims authority on a subject. I cannot take you seriously if:

1: YOU INSIST ON USING CAPS IN YOUR RELEASE! There is a handy little punctuation symbol called an exclamation point. Use this for emphasis. CAPS IS CONSIDERED SCREAMING. I don’t need to scream. My words are emphatic and forceful enough.

2: You are historically inaccurate. The release starts off like this:

Is it me….or is it what it is? Since the first surge of illegal immigrants hit our country, not one President has had the cohunes’ to protect the citizens of the United States of America from…

What exactly are you considering the first surge of “illegal immigrants”? Where I’m from those are Europeans who came here. Apparently this person is using a textbook from Texas

3: You use the wrong words and render your argument incoherent.

Did you catch the mistake above? In an effort to use strong language, the writer of said release tries to use the Spanish word “cojones”, balls or did the writer intentionally mean to use the word meaning a type of palm tree and/or the nut from said palm tree?

Other laughable mistakes include:

CALL ME CRAZY but HAS ANYONE EVER WONDERED WHY GEORGE W. BUSH LEFT OUR BORDERS OPEN AFTER 9-11 TO ANY TERRORISTS WHO DESIRED TO SAUNDER ACROSS OUR OPEN BORDERS WITH A SUITCASE BOMB ON HIS BACK?

Saunder? I don’t know anyone who saunders across anything, including a border. Is this a new skill that the undocumented have developed?

and finally:

But hay; at least we have always had a President on hand to see it through to our determent.

Hay is for horses and determent prevents action.

You wanted us to call you crazy but can I call you stupid instead?

Back to School Edition: Catching up on the Gossip

12:25 pm By la Macha · Bizarro|Celebrities|children|Controversia|society · Comments Off

8 Sep 2009

I admit, I have occasionally watched Jon and Kate plus 8. The show is not that engrossing–your basic family of 10 experiencing the day. But it’s something safe to watch with the kids, and somewhat interesting just to see “how the hell does one stay organized with 10 people in the family?”

But now, the kids are back at school, and I’m too tired to trudge through depressing stories of parents fainting over Obamadoctrination and poor people saying they don’t want free health care. Because then…we’d all be pinkos. Or something.

So, instead, I am turning to the gossip columns. And boy, was I rewarded. Turns out Jon and Kate are not the organized put together couple we all thought they were.

Accusations of abuse don’t surprise me here. Rumors of Kate’s aggression have run rampant for a while (including accusations of child abuse). I have to wonder though, at how much of the reaction to Jon’s statements is colored in the fact that he is a man.

Everybody knows that Kate has acted questionably. And yet, when Jon *says* he was abused, suddenly everybody is all concerned about how the kids are going to react to this news–and *cautioning* Jon about “tit for tat” antics. He doesn’t want to make the kids hate him, right?

But..what happens if the kids are getting the sharp end of Kate’s “tat,” too? And what happens if in 20 years, one of them tries to say, “yes, my mother hurt me,” and *can’t* because everybody believes the t.v. illusion?

Why do we believe that Jon is being bullied by his wife…until he calls it abuse? And then we think it’s just “messy” divorce?

Is it because we think that being “pussy whipped” is funny? Because we think that Jon has the male god given right not *not* be abused if he really wanted it? So he must secretly like it?

And what does any of this reaction have to do with the fact that he is Asian and Kate is white? (And before any men’s rights folks come here moaning about how unfair life is, let me just point to how Kate has been treated in all of this. And how it’s mighty easy to get caught hitting your kids when you are the primary caregiver.)

Ai, maybe ‘escaping’ in celebrity gossip isn’t everything it’s cracked up to be?

Obama Attempts to Allay Racial Debate Over Beers

31 Jul 2009

Responding to the steady drumbeat of criticism for calling the Cambridge Police Department “stupid” for arresting Professor Henry Louis Gates for “coming home while black”, President Obama and his PR team rigged an event designed to position him as a mediator for a debate on racial differences (read racial profiling). The intimate encounter was sort of a summit — over beers — yesterday afternoon in the White House’s Rose Garden. Check out the above video.

ABC News has a good rundown of the content of that encounter, but a standout for me is this poignant statement by Gates:

Sergeant Crowley and I, through an accident of time and place, have been cast together, inextricably, as characters – as metaphors, really – in a thousand narratives about race over which he and I have absolutely no control.“

It isn’t about Crowley and Gates. It’s about how American society continues to deny that racial profiling even exists.

But back to this specific incident, Crowley doesn’t seem to have seen how profoundly wrong his actions were, that is, if we are to be guided by his statements at the Beer Summit:

Crowley was asked if the controversy was a “teachable moment” for the sergeant, as President Obama said he’d hoped this would become?

He said it was.

And the lesson?

“The media can find you, no matter where you live,” he said.

Wow, glad you learned something there Sergeant Crowley!

Via / ABC News Political Punch Blog

Jesus on a Jueves

6:08 pm By Maegan la Mamita Mala · Bizarro|Religion · 1 Comment

30 Jul 2009

jesusgreasss
Porque it’s hot and Mala’s tired, here’s a reminder that Jesus is always with us.

This image of Jesus that appeared in a baking tray after Oliver Bellerby of Yorkshire, England cooked a burger.

Via / Boing Boing

Nunchucks are important part of judicial process

3:42 pm By la Macha · Bizarro · 1 Comment

14 Jul 2009

Some how, some way, nunchucks made their way into the Sotomayor hearings.

Caution: watch following video with full knowledge of how painful it is to watch people trying to be dignified while talking about Nanchucks.

I guess the reasoning behind the questions came from the gun lobby–if Sotomayor ruled that it isn’t ok to carry nunchucks around, then she CLEARLY must also be saying that all gun owners need to report to Gitmo, but only after they throw their precious guns into a volcano.

Samantha Bee on Palin Resigning

3:33 pm By la Macha · Bizarro|Celebrities|children · 1 Comment

14 Jul 2009

The Daily Show gets a few really good jabs in at Sarah Palin–I like the “Suckle on the teat of a shooting star” part the best…

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart

Mon – Thurs 11p / 10c

Half Baked Alaska

www.thedailyshow.com

Daily Show
Full Episodes

Political Humor

Joke of the Day

Alberto Gonzales Emerges from the Shadows to Teach You a Lesson

7:04 am By Jennifer Woodard Maderazo · Bizarro|Celebrities|Education|Politics · 1 Comment

10 Jul 2009

gonzales-and-bush Just when you thought it was safe to go back to school after summer vacation: ex-Attorney General Alberto Gonzales is back and he wants to be your professor. At least that’s what the fine young men and women of Texas Tech have to look forward to this coming school year. According to Amarillo.com, Gonzales will teach the course “Contemporary Issues in the Executive Branch,” and will also help the university recruit Latino students. Um…yeah…

While he may have been heckled at the University of Florida back in 2007, it appears that Albertito is beyond all that now and ready to take on his new post:

“I am long past the time of worrying about criticism,” said Gonzales, 53, in a Tuesday evening telephone interview.

“When you are involved in the most controversial issues of the day, you draw some criticism,” he said. “I am excited to be in an environment where ideas are debated. I will open a dialogue for a discussion about the policies of the previous administration.”

Be sure to check out Andrew Cohen’s CourtWatch blog for some cutting commentary on the new “Professor Gonzales”.

Via / Amarillo.com

Sarah Palin Resigns

4:47 pm By Jennifer Woodard Maderazo · Alaska|Bizarro|Chismes|Controversia|Politics · 3 Comments

3 Jul 2009

One big WTF comin’ right atcha, dontcha know:

Damn…that was some weird, incoherent rambling. But the real question here is: WHY? And why NOW?

On the eve of the 4th of July…that ain’t very patriotic, Sarah!

What are your theories dear readers?

Via / HuffPost

Michael Jackson Fans Reportedly Committing Suicide

4:05 pm By Jennifer Woodard Maderazo · Bizarro|Celebrities|Music|society · 1 Comment

1 Jul 2009

As surreal as it sounds, reports that have surfaced about at least 10 grieving Michael Jackson fans committing suicide in the past few days appear to be true.

The man behind the world’s biggest online Michael Jackson fan club has said heartbroken followers of the star have committed suicide because of his death.

Gary Taylor, president and owner of MJJcommunity.com, said he understood the tragedies had mostly taken place outside of the UK but he believed one may have been British.

“I know there has been an increase, I now believe the figure is 12. I believe there may have been one Briton who has taken their life,” he said.

“It is a serious situation that these people are going through but Michael Jackson would never want this. He would want them to live.”

The first death reportedly occurred in Tunisia, where a girl took her own life by overdose. Similar reports have been popping up in other parts of the world.

Meanwhile, Reverend Jesse Jackson is urging fans to keep living (see video above).

This is all really too surreal.

Via / Yahoo News UK

Surreal Sports News: U.S. Soccer Crushes Spain, the World’s Greatest Team

5:14 pm By Jennifer Woodard Maderazo · Bizarro|Spain|Sports|Twitter · 4 Comments

24 Jun 2009

I’m not a huge sports fan, but I can get into futbol. One thing I always get from my soccer fan friends from Latin America and Spain is what a joke the U.S. team is. But what you expect from a country who thinks soccer is for sissies and only knows David Beckham for his modeling gigs. Sheesh.

So what was my surprise when I saw that the number one trending topic on Twitter was the word “Spain” and found that the world was tweeting this astonishing outcome in the FIFA Confederations Cup semifinals today: the U.S. mopped up the floor with Spain in a 2-0 win. For those of you who don’t know, Spain is the number one team in the world, and boasts some of the sport’s most talented athletes.

Spain went into this game with the confidence of the jock who always clobbers the wimpy kid and got clobbered themselves. But this isn’t just shocking to me; this is world soccer history: the U.S. today became the first team to beat Spain since 2006 and some experts are calling the victory the best performance since they defeated England 1-0 in the 1950 World Cup in Brazil.

Might this help get some momentum moving in making soccer a more popular sport in the U.S.? I doubt it. I mean, how many of you had ever heard of the Confederations Cup before this? How many even care to know what it is? Yeah, I thought so. But it would be nice though!

In the end, Spain loses more than just a game (and their chance at the finals for this tournament): they lose face. As you might expect, Spain is devastated and fans are blaming the loss on the cockiness and overconfidence of their (nearly) invincible team.

Via / Twitter

Older Entries

Scrying Nicki Minaj, Stupid Hoe, and #Afrofutures | Nuñez Daughter: [...] forest of things that seem to matter a lot–like fingers waving in presidential faces� [...]

Karen: http://www.newyorker.com/reporting/2012/01/09/120109fa_fact_auletta [...]

Karen: I just read this about Rubio. Let's see the GOP make him a VP nominee. LOL http://www.democraticu [...]

Martes Media Minute : Roe v. Wade Anniversary, Medicaid Mama y Midwife Victory, Cervical Cancer Awareness month, & Mala’s Mami Closeup, | VivirLatino: [...] last week’s liveblog of a conversation on cervical cancer and Latin@s, Bianca Laureano s [...]

Emiliano: thanks for your reviews. i feel like you tell it like you really feel. [...]

VivirLatino