When I saw this, I was vaguely irritated by the screaming white woman–why is it that white women always feel that they know the most about black women and abuse? There are two black women and two men of color on that panel…is it necessary for a white woman to be screaming over the black women speaking truth?

I also appreciated Oprah’s words–she’s clearly speaking from one survivor to another–and I felt that the way she spoke was not condescending or irritating. She’s been there and she clearly knows what needs to be said.

But at the same time, I must ask–where are the prominent men of color and/or black men speaking out to Chris Brown? And I’m not talking some community activist man of color that works mostly within the black community, I’m talking big talkers that interact regularly with white audiences (ala Oprah) like Bill Cosby or Jesse Jackson. These men have so much to say about how poor black women conduct themselves (having multiple babies with multiple partners, having children out of wedlock, etc)–but in a clear case like this where a man has clearly violated and abused a woman on the deepest level–they are silent. Tyler Perry just sat there like a bump on a log and then says the reason Brown should be concerned is because “he could’ve killed her.” Um….would this have been ok if it were “just” a slap in the face? (also notice how Perry said *if* this happened? Dude. It happened. Everybody from Rihanna to Chris Brown to onlookers all say that he did it.)

It shouldn’t have been Oprah saying what she said, it should’ve been Tyler Perry. And Jesse Jackson, and Bill Cosby and Al Sharpton. I would even argue that President Obama should be speaking very clearly about this. All of them should be hosting conversations about domestic violence on their shows. All of them should be talking about male sexuality, masculinity, maleness, and how that all interacts with violence.

It’s time for domestic violence to stop being a “woman’s” issue and start being a community issue. That can only happen once men join the conversation, however.